It was wonderful to have a new baby in the house. We did our best to let Sarah care for her little one and stand by to encourage and support. The meds the doctor gave me for depression and anxiety were finally taking over. While the stress lifted, life continued to press.
Thanksgiving was just around the corner and Sarah’s eighteenth birthday. I also had pumpkin waiting, I’d promised Mike to can, from our garden. Becki and Spring’s babies were both due in January. I wanted to get quilts made for them like the one I just finished for Ashton. There never seemed to be enough time, relaxed time, to do what was needed. But, one thing I was doing, helped.
One of the books that the therapist gave me was, “You Can Feel Good Again,” by Richard Carlson. As I read the book, scripture came to mind. The methods he was applying to overcome anxiety and depression were also in the Word. I started writing down scriptures supporting his methods, and reading over them daily.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—think on these things.
Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ
I went around the house saying, “My God shall supply all my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want”. (Psalm 23:1)
“I refuse to be anxious about anything.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
I was beginning to change the course of my thinking, and it was noticeable. I was learning how to set my mind and keep it set on God and His Word, and it was restoring my mind.
The weekend after Thanksgiving, Mike commented: “You seem to be feeling better. It’s nice having you cheerful. Great to see you happy again.” (I didn’t know until years later that he hid his guns because he thought I might use them on myself.)
1997 ended, and we prepared for more changes in January. Our granddaughter Katherine Elizabeth (Katie) was born on January 15th. She was adorable. Lots of blonde hair. The nurse let me be the first to comb Katie’s hair. And before the month was out, Lillian Faith arrived with a fuzz of red hair. Three grandchildren in three months, God’s plans were more abundant than mine.
Sarah returned to school in January. She’d taken first semester off because of her pregnancy. Now she needed to finish her credits to graduate. Yiya (Greek for grandma) took on the full care of Ashton until Mom got home. It was a big change.
I could still come and go if needed. Yet, all the paraphernalia a baby needs made going more difficult. And, of course, like most babies, Ashton found it easy to sleep in the car. By the time we’d get home with car unloaded and both of us in the house, I wanted to take a nap. But Ashton was ready for wiggles and fun.
Being Yiya, was wonderful, but it wore me out. When Mike got home from work and wanted some attention, I had little left to give. Plus one of the side effects of all the anti-depressants was the complete loss of libido. It didn’t bother me because I was so tired, but it did Mike.
In early February, Mike asked me for a separation. I didn’t know how to respond. I was numb. I didn’t have any answers. I made an appointment to see my gynecologist. Maybe he would have an answer to the physical part of this mess.
When I met with my doctor, I broke down and cried as I told him about Mike’s request. “I have to get my libido back. If I don’t, I will lose my husband,” I told him as I grabbed another tissue.
“Your only real solution is to get off the anti-depressants or try some different ones,” he said. “Many of them do cause a loss of libido. What do you want to do?” He asked.
“I want off the meds. I believe God will help me get well without them.” I blew my nose knowing I was going to put God’s Word to the test.
“Okay,” said the doctor. “But, if that doesn’t work, come back and see me and I will try and find a medication that works.”
Getting off the anti-depressants was not as easy as I thought. There were sleepless nights and days of feeling unsettled. By March, I was off the medications but taking ‘my God medicine’ three times a day.
The scriptures I found to speak renewal in my thinking, became my three times a day program of recovery. Every morning, I’d take out my three typed sheets of scripture. I labeled them, ‘God’s Medicine Chest.’ As I read them out loud, my spirit lifted. Here is a sampling:
“God has given me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” I don’t need to be depressed. (Isaiah 61:3)
I am learning to be content with my life, regardless of the circumstances.” (Philippians 4:12)
“God is at work in my life helping me to desire and do His will.” (Philippians 2:13)
“I am casting all my care on Him for He cares for me.” (I Peter 5:7)
“I am letting the peace which comes from Christ rule in my heart and decide all questions that arise in my mind.” (Colossians 3:15)
I believe God will fulfill His word to me. God does not lie. (Numbers 23:19)
I will not fear, but I will have power and love and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
On and on I spoke the word, and new life came, uprooting the darkness and restoring health to my body, mind, and spirit. My therapist felt her job was over. “Whatever you are doing, keep doing it,” she said. “It is obvious you’ve found an answer. You don’t need to come anymore unless you want to,” she said.
At the end of May, Sarah graduated from high school with her class. We were so proud of her.As a family, we’d made it through another test. Of course, the tests would continue, but for that day we had reasons to rejoice.
~~ How About You? ~~
Are you a worrier? Do you deal with anxiety or depression? Are you on medications that alter your life in unwanted ways?
God’s Word is powerful. It will heal.
I challenge you to put His Word to work. Pray and ask Holy Spirit to guide you in finding scripture to meet your need. Then type or write those scriptures out and begin reading them out loud several times a day. Keep doing this until you see results. Then continue to do so once a day to maintain your victory.
If you are interested in seeing my list, “God’s Medicine Chest-Daily Confessions,” email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I will send it to you.
Just remember, with God, nothing is impossible. He is our Healer and the Restorer of the Breach. There is life in His Word—new life for you. God bless you.